I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, "That's a turn-up for the books".