I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."

Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.” “Well you can't say fairer than that then

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'