Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure

I always sit in the tail end of a plane, always. You never hear of an plane backing into a mountain.

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.'

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.