Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

I always sit in the tail end of a plane, always. You never hear of an plane backing into a mountain.

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.

A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.