My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.

Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.” “Well you can't say fairer than that then

Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

I always sit in the tail end of a plane, always. You never hear of an plane backing into a mountain.

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."