I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.