Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted.

Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.” “Well you can't say fairer than that then

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again, well the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.

He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, "That's a turn-up for the books".

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"