A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!

Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns.

I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.