I've come to learn that what really matters is the relationship, the quality of the relationship.

Random Girl after a hookup: "Do you love me" Tucker: "I don't understand the question.

I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty lunatics.

The haters always scream the loudest.

Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party.

The result of my hard work is that I'm financially independent, I have an amazing life, and I can do whatever I want. I don't have to answer to anybody.

Halloween revolves around delicious candy, excessive alcohol, and horny women dressed as sluts. This also describes my vision of Heaven.