Two girls called me closed minded. I tell them that they are so open-minded their brains leaked out.

I laugh at people who say things like 'I'm a good person, I just do bad things.' No, that's not how it works. What you do IS who you are.

Great careers are getting easier to find and audition for, but harder to keep.

I take a lull from my CamelBak and choke at its potency. It tastes like bad decisions. It's perfect.

You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.

Make no mistake about it: Law school is not a bastion of intellectual discourse.

The result of my hard work is that I'm financially independent, I have an amazing life, and I can do whatever I want. I don't have to answer to anybody.