I will never understand why people get so upset at things I don't even remember saying.

No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog.

To my friends and people I care about, I'm a really nice guy. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.

You can't fill your emails with crap, at least not with my friends, because they're brutal. If something sucks, they'll tell you.

This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have a slightly volatile personality. I don’t suffer fools well.

I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.

Theatrical success is predominantly two variables: who the distributor is and how much money they spend.