I will never understand why people get so upset at things I don't even remember saying.

That's the beauty of alcohol. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.

I love women, I love alcohol, and I love combining the two. If God invented anything better than drunk sex with a hot girl, he kept it to himself.

There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.

My buddies and I, we all went to law school together, and once we started working in different cities, we all did crazy stuff, and we'd write e-mails to each other about the stuff we would do. And my friends thought my e-mails were really funny and they said, "Dude, why don't you put this up on a Web site. You know people would love to read this."

Obstacles are only obstacles if you see them as obstacles. They can also be called opportunities.

Listen to authority figures because of their position, but only believe them if they can explain why.