The only thing that someone could say about me that would hurt me would be something that's true that I don't want to be.

I was not developmentally disabled, but didn't mature at the same rate other kids did.

If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.

The dumbest women I hooked up with were in Florida. I lived in Florida for a year... and it was just shocking. I literally felt like after living there for a couple months that I had become stupider. It was unbelievable. If you read the stories on my site that are based around crazy women, about 75 percent of those women were in Florida… and I only lived there for a year.

Great careers are getting easier to find and audition for, but harder to keep.

Theatrical success is predominantly two variables: who the distributor is and how much money they spend.

Listen to authority figures because of their position, but only believe them if they can explain why.