I take a lull from my CamelBak and choke at its potency. It tastes like bad decisions. It's perfect.

I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty lunatics.

Guys, we spend our whole lives trying to get pussy, so when pussy comes to us, it's like, "Whoa, this is amazing!" At 27, I thought nothing could be better than that, but at 35, I've come to understand the darker side of it.

Halloween revolves around delicious candy, excessive alcohol, and horny women dressed as sluts. This also describes my vision of Heaven.

I think that there's a lot of guys out there that want to read the equivalent of chick lit, but really there's not being much written for them.

There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.

I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there.