I take a lull from my CamelBak and choke at its potency. It tastes like bad decisions. It's perfect.

You can't fill your emails with crap, at least not with my friends, because they're brutal. If something sucks, they'll tell you.

I think 20th century media were about tricking people - and the beauty of the Internet is you can't lie anymore.

Random Girl after a hookup: "Do you love me" Tucker: "I don't understand the question.

Corporate tweets are like one robot talking to another.

You know that look a cop gives you when he's so confused that he doesn't even know how to respond? If you don't know that look, it means you haven't had enough fun in your life.

Before you're famous it's stuff that seems like it'd be really cool, but once you get it, you realize it's not bad, but it's kind of hollow and meaningless.