Failure instructs, failure improves. Failure shouldn't deter you.

If people try to judge you or shame you for doing safe, consensual things that make you happy, I can guarantee you they're bad people.

To my friends and people I care about, I'm a really nice guy. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.

Motherfucker. She leaves me no choice. Now I have to break her self-esteem, sleep with her and steal the shirt.

I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there.

Gotta love alcohol and sex hormones.

The Big Five publishing companies are dinosaurs trying to survive in a post-meteor world. They won't.