I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.

That's the beauty of alcohol. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.

Most people's lives are nothing more than pointlessly frantic activity used as a psychological defense against their own impotence and fear.

You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.

There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.

The hardest lesson I've had to learn in my life is that my intelligence is inversely correlated to my humility. The more I thought I knew, the less I actually knew.

I tell the truth, and truth is the ultimate defense against libel.