One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.

I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

You want something by Bach? Which one, Johann Sebastian or Jacques Offen?

They say that Nero started the fire himself because he needed a suitable backdrop for his concert.

When an opera star sings her head off? she usually improves her appearance.

Mendelssohn never wrote any Water Music. However, he wrote the Scotch Symphony, which is even better, or at least stronger.