I don't mind growing old. I'm just not used to it.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.

Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.

In my dreams of Heaven, I always see the great Masters gathered in a huge hall in which they all reside. Only Mozart has his own suite.

(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?