The oboe sounds like a clarinet with a cold.

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible? and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.

Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos.

The oboe sounds like a clarinet with a cold.