(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?

The essence of a general's job is to assist in developing a clear sense of purpose . to keep the junk from getting in the way of important things.

And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play 'Clear the Saloon', er, 'Clair de Lune', by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.

They say that Nero started the fire himself because he needed a suitable backdrop for his concert.

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.