(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?

The elephant smoked too much.(explaining why the keys of his piano were so yellow)

That's why I've never thought of retiring because I do it all the time whether on the stage or off. I found that in a precarious situation, a smile is the shortest distance between people. When one needs to reach out for sympathy or a link with people, what better way is there?

If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward.

In my dreams of Heaven, I always see the great Masters gathered in a huge hall in which they all reside. Only Mozart has his own suite.

I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.