And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play 'Clear the Saloon', er, 'Clair de Lune', by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.

I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

Many people have asked me why there are three pedals in these grand pianos. Well the pedal in the middle is there to separate the two other pedals.

Read (this book), smile, enjoy, and if you happen to learn something along the way, don't get upset.

I learned to play the piano on my mother's knee - that was before we got a piano.

When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.