Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.

When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.

I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.

Beethoven wrote in three flats a lot. That's because he moved twice.