They say that Nero started the fire himself because he needed a suitable backdrop for his concert.

Read (this book), smile, enjoy, and if you happen to learn something along the way, don't get upset.

The elephant smoked too much.(explaining why the keys of his piano were so yellow)

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play 'Clear the Saloon', er, 'Clair de Lune', by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.