A Smile is a curve which can set a lot of things straight.

When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.

The elephant smoked too much.(explaining why the keys of his piano were so yellow)

(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

It (the double-clarinet in India) was primarily used for snake charming, since the snake would do almost anything to get the Indians to stop playing it.

Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.