Read (this book), smile, enjoy, and if you happen to learn something along the way, don't get upset.

I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.

I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so.

You may not be aware of this but Leonard Bernstein won another award, for explaining the music of Igor Stravinsky... to Igor Stravinsky!

(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.