The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.

Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

The elephant smoked too much.(explaining why the keys of his piano were so yellow)

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.

Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.