The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.

There are three Bachs. Johann, Sebastian and Offen.

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

Mendelssohn never wrote any Water Music. However, he wrote the Scotch Symphony, which is even better, or at least stronger.

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.

Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos.

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?