The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.

Mendelssohn never wrote any Water Music. However, he wrote the Scotch Symphony, which is even better, or at least stronger.

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

There are three Bachs. Johann, Sebastian and Offen.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?