Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.

In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist -- but I found I had nothing to say.

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible? and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

When an opera star sings her head off? she usually improves her appearance.

Occasionally, a finger comes up to wipe a tear [of laughter] from the eye... and that's my reward... the rest goes to the government.