The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos.

You may not be aware of this but Leonard Bernstein won another award, for explaining the music of Igor Stravinsky... to Igor Stravinsky!

Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.

You want something by Bach? Which one, Johann Sebastian or Jacques Offen?

In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist -- but I found I had nothing to say.