I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.

And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play 'Clear the Saloon', er, 'Clair de Lune', by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos.

Beethoven wrote in three flats a lot. That's because he moved twice.