When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

Mendelssohn never wrote any Water Music. However, he wrote the Scotch Symphony, which is even better, or at least stronger.

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

They say that Nero started the fire himself because he needed a suitable backdrop for his concert.

In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist -- but I found I had nothing to say.