When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.

If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

Many people have asked me why there are three pedals in these grand pianos. Well the pedal in the middle is there to separate the two other pedals.

The essence of a general's job is to assist in developing a clear sense of purpose . to keep the junk from getting in the way of important things.

Flint must be an extremely wealthy town: I see that each of you bought two or three seats.

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.