Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.

In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist -- but I found I had nothing to say.

The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.

They say that Nero started the fire himself because he needed a suitable backdrop for his concert.

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.

Flint must be an extremely wealthy town: I see that each of you bought two or three seats.