I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

The elephant smoked too much.(explaining why the keys of his piano were so yellow)

The oboe sounds like a clarinet with a cold.