I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.

I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.

The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

Many people have asked me why there are three pedals in these grand pianos. Well the pedal in the middle is there to separate the two other pedals.

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

Beethoven wrote in three flats a lot. That's because he moved twice.