He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

When an opera star sings her head off? she usually improves her appearance.

...the elephant smoked too much.

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

Mendelssohn never wrote any Water Music. However, he wrote the Scotch Symphony, which is even better, or at least stronger.

Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos.

And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play 'Clear the Saloon', er, 'Clair de Lune', by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.