I learned to play the piano on my mother's knee - that was before we got a piano.
There are three Bachs. Johann, Sebastian and Offen.
You want something by Bach? Which one, Johann Sebastian or Jacques Offen?
Read (this book), smile, enjoy, and if you happen to learn something along the way, don't get upset.
I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.
A Smile is a curve which can set a lot of things straight.