My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

The elephant smoked too much.(explaining why the keys of his piano were so yellow)

And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play 'Clear the Saloon', er, 'Clair de Lune', by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.

Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.

When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.

Mendelssohn never wrote any Water Music. However, he wrote the Scotch Symphony, which is even better, or at least stronger.

Read (this book), smile, enjoy, and if you happen to learn something along the way, don't get upset.