When an opera star sings her head off? she usually improves her appearance.

And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play 'Clear the Saloon', er, 'Clair de Lune', by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.

Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.

Beethoven wrote in three flats a lot. That's because he moved twice.

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.