Everyone I meet is gay, married or crackers

If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.

Sexual harassment at work... is it a problem for the self-employed?

I have been in a youth hostel...You are put in a kitchen with seventeen venture scouts with behavioural difficulties and made to wash swedes.

If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony.

Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.

In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.