Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.

My mother, she didn't believe in praise. She'd never say anything was great. I think that's quite Northern, to not make people feel too good. I didn't mind if she was proud of me or not, it didn't bother me. I was never trying to please her.

Radio killed variety and TV killed radio, and the internet will kill television and it will go on and on.

Of course I don't want to go to a cocktail party...If I wanted to stand around with a load of people I don't know eating bits of cold toast I can get caught shoplifting and go to Holloway [women's prison].

I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.

You know daytime television? You know what it's supposed to be for? It's to keep unemployed people happy. It's supposed to stop them running to the social security demanding mad luxuries like cookers and windows.

In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.