I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.

Radio killed variety and TV killed radio, and the internet will kill television and it will go on and on.

I have been in a youth hostel...You are put in a kitchen with seventeen venture scouts with behavioural difficulties and made to wash swedes.

In my day we didn't have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television.

You know daytime television? You know what it's supposed to be for? It's to keep unemployed people happy. It's supposed to stop them running to the social security demanding mad luxuries like cookers and windows.

If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.

My massage was marvellous. I feel really relaxed. And my masseur, Harold :You can't have a masseur called Harold. It's like having a member of the Royal Family called Ena.