I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.

In my day we didn't have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television.

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.

You know daytime television? You know what it's supposed to be for? It's to keep unemployed people happy. It's supposed to stop them running to the social security demanding mad luxuries like cookers and windows.

Sexual harassment at work... is it a problem for the self-employed?

I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.

On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?