Of course I don't want to go to a cocktail party...If I wanted to stand around with a load of people I don't know eating bits of cold toast I can get caught shoplifting and go to Holloway [women's prison].

I wouldn't kidnap a man for sex - I'm not saying I couldn't use someone to oil the mower.

People always think I hate doing interviews. I don't. I wouldn't do them if I didn't like them.

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.

Everyone I meet is gay, married or crackers

My mother, she didn't believe in praise. She'd never say anything was great. I think that's quite Northern, to not make people feel too good. I didn't mind if she was proud of me or not, it didn't bother me. I was never trying to please her.

If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.