I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.

I have been in a youth hostel...You are put in a kitchen with seventeen venture scouts with behavioural difficulties and made to wash swedes.

I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.

If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony.

My massage was marvellous. I feel really relaxed. And my masseur, Harold :You can't have a masseur called Harold. It's like having a member of the Royal Family called Ena.

Everyone I meet is gay, married or crackers

Radio killed variety and TV killed radio, and the internet will kill television and it will go on and on.