Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it.

I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.

I'm really funny now.

I watched a lot of comedy growing up.

It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.

I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place.

When I am outside at night by myself every person turns into a pedophile. So I tend to walk a little faster than usual and then I sprint.