I sat down and wrote some jokes and went to the talent show, got up on stage, fell in love with it and never turned back.

You know what, I think maybe it's because men like to fart, and the host wants to be able to sit in his writers' room and just pass gas freely. Me, I'm a lady. I'm dainty. I know to get up and leave the room and go to my office.

I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.

I'm going to leave The Wanda Sykes Show and try to get her job because $5 million ain't too bad!

I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun.

We got to stop doing that, ladies. You know, men are dogs. Men are dogs. We got to stop it. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal.

You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.