That's what they want: two women. Fellas, I think that's a bit lofty. Because, come on, think about it - if you can't satisfy that one woman, why do you want to piss off another one? Why have two angry women in the bed with you at the same time? And think about it - you know how much you hate to talk after sex, imagine having two women just nagging you to death.

It's not until you develop your own voice, your own persona onstage that you become your own comic, who you really are.

Now, I think the people who are still doing stand-up are doing it because they love stand-up.

With a black president, I can relax... I can dance in public... I can buy a whole watermelon now.

That's what they want: two women. Fellas, I think that's a bit lofty. Because, come on, think about it - if you can't satisfy that one woman, why do you want to piss off another one? Why have two angry women in the bed with you at the same time? And think about it - you know how much you hate to talk after sex, imagine having two women just nagging you to death.

Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over.

Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it.