That's what they want: two women. Fellas, I think that's a bit lofty. Because, come on, think about it - if you can't satisfy that one woman, why do you want to piss off another one? Why have two angry women in the bed with you at the same time? And think about it - you know how much you hate to talk after sex, imagine having two women just nagging you to death.

I sat down and wrote some jokes and went to the talent show, got up on stage, fell in love with it and never turned back.

You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.

I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun.

I'm here today because I hated everything else.

Being gay is harder than being black. I didn't have to come out black. I didn't have to tell my parents about what its like to be black.

There's times when I'm really shy, so these roles that I get to play, they're how I would love to really be. And that's why I love doing stand-up, because it gives me the freedom to say what I really want to say. I think that's why it's my favorite thing to do.