If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

How can you stop people from loving each other? How can you get upset about loving?

Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over.

It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.

If you don't believe in same-sex marriage, then don't marry somebody of the same sex.

As soon as you say 'I do,' you'll discover that marriage is like a car. Both of you might be sitting in the front seat, but only one of you is driving. And most marriages are more like a motorcycle than a car. Somebody has to sit in the back, and you have to yell just to be heard.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.