I watch Jay. I watch 'Letterman'. I flip back and forth between 'Conan' and 'Letterman', especially the top of the show for those guys.

I'm going to leave The Wanda Sykes Show and try to get her job because $5 million ain't too bad!

There's times when I'm really shy, so these roles that I get to play, they're how I would love to really be. And that's why I love doing stand-up, because it gives me the freedom to say what I really want to say. I think that's why it's my favorite thing to do.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

I know every time I fly, I get checked twice: they stop me at security, and then, they get me again at the gate. And last time, it was so bad, they actually made me go through the machine with the luggage.

Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.