I watch Jay. I watch 'Letterman'. I flip back and forth between 'Conan' and 'Letterman', especially the top of the show for those guys.

That word sassy - it haunts me. I keep getting the sassy thing.

When I am outside at night by myself every person turns into a pedophile. So I tend to walk a little faster than usual and then I sprint.

I watched a lot of comedy growing up.

I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing.

I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.

In '87, I used to do this awful, awful James Brown impression.