When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.
It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.
Being gay is harder than being black. I didn't have to come out black. I didn't have to tell my parents about what its like to be black.
If you don't believe in same-sex marriage, then don't marry somebody of the same sex.
I sat down and wrote some jokes and went to the talent show, got up on stage, fell in love with it and never turned back.
Once you start making money, you can be an ass. But I am not an ass. I'm too lazy, that takes a lot of energy.