Cæsar might have married her [Cleopatra], but he had a wife at home. There's always something.

I do not travel. I am not much of an extrovert, and I'm not much interested in extroverted objects. I do not care for the 'ideas' of novelists. Novels are wonderful, of course, but I prefer newspapers.

Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.

Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.

It's easy to see the faults in people, I know; and it's harder to see the good. Especially when the good isn't there.

If a cat does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence.

The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.