If you feel the urge, don't be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway?

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.

The US is safest when Congress is in recess.

Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.

We are all ignorant. We are just ignorant about different things.

Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.