A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.

The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow, for he is looking with the crowd. But the one that can see years ahead, he has a telescope but he can't make anybody believe that he has it.

It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.

An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.

If you feel the urge, don't be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway?