Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

The minute a thing is long and complicated, it confuses. Whoever wrote the Ten Commandments made 'em short. They may not always be kept, but they are understood.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can't buy enough to eat.

Government investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to our knowledge.

There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.