Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.

One way to solve the traffic problem is to keep all the cars that are not paid for off the streets.

If Wall Street paid a tax on every “game” they run, we would get enough revenue to run the government on.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.

When the Okies left Oklahoma and moved to California, they raised the average intelligence level in both states.