Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

If you live right, death is a joke to you as far as fear is concerned.

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights.

An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.

Everyone wants to vote for the best and most qualified man, but he never runs for office.

I never met a man I didn't get a kind of strange and exciting tingling sensation from.