Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.

You have to have a serious streak in you, or you can't see the funny side of the other fellow.

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

With all our crime and all our immorality ... and about as much contentment and respose as a fresh-caged hyena, we go to tell the whole world: we are the only one with the right idea!

There are two things I don't care how smart you are, you will never understand. One is an alienist's testimony, and the other is a railroad timetable.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.