Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.

Mothers are the only race of people that speak the same tongue. A mother in Manchuria could converse with a mother in Nebraska and never miss a word.

People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

The man who never makes a mistake must get tired of doing nothing.